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Will you go with 2x boals of cereal for a month?? Or sweet marshmellow cereal for a day?? - l2eason Never Seems To Beat Emotions [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Will you go with 2x boals of cereal for a month?? Or sweet marshmellow cereal for a day?? [May. 6th, 2003|12:41 am]
Ohh yea, and both cereals will cause stomach problems??

Well, the party I went to on Saturday was sweet. I got drunk so quick. I was there with Alex. I took some shots n stuff. I tried to call Jess right after that though. I wanted to ask her and confirm everything that shes said. But when I called her house with my cell phone, no one answered and the answering machinge didnt pick up so I knew someone was on the phone. Then I called her cell phone but no one picked up. My cell phone died a little after that so I used Alex's cell phone to call both again later. her mom picked up and said that she was at Doubles house... Gerrr. Then later on, she called Alex's cell phone back. I also didnt think about this until later, the fact that she called his number, and not mine. Because she knew I called and just didnt wanna talk to me I guess. But I guess I tricked her un-intentially. So I told her I wanted to talk. She told me that she was with Double and some other people. I asked if I could have 10 please. She just said no. Then she started VERY firmly and loudly saying, "NO, I DONT WANT TO TALK." So I knew that she was making a scene with her friends. Which also means that she is going to explain the situation as me being a jelous x-boyfriend. But I KNOW she wont say anything about how I'm still her fucking "secret crush" and shit. Which upsets me. So her friends start to hate me more than she made them the first time. So she just said, "IM HANGING UP, AND DONT CALL ME BACK." Lol, because whenever she hangs up on me when we argue, I just call right back. So I todl her, "I'm going to call you back." Then she just kept saying "DONT." This is because she was with her friends and didnt want to leave a good time to deal with our problems. I think if people read this, they'll think I'm psycho or something and just not taking a hint and that she doesnt want anything to do with me. That isnt really the case. I mean, I could be wrong, and just not able to see it, but just listen to what she does. She tells me that I'm still her crush, when I ask her why we cant date, she says "because I dont WANT to like you like that anymore." meaning she DOES, but thinks that it will only lead to more heartbreak. Also, she told me last week, "I cant wait until next year when you have your apartment because then you'll have a big bed and I can spend the night. *smile*" She DOES want me, but keeps trying to stay away. Its so diturbing. GAH!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! Anyways, Dans sister Lisa is really cute, and hot. Alex keeps telling me shes not a slut even though shes had sex with a couple people. Skipping ahead, she ended up having sex with Adam Keith. Lol, it was hilairous when Keith was telling me how much he loved he. I was taking care of people for the last half of the party. Like helping people to the bathroom and things or that sort. Holding the bucket or walking them places. It was nice helping them. Thought I was kinda putting in a good image for Lisa too, but I dont think shes really interested. Then Haley Ritter came over with another girl named Lisa. Haley always seemed like a bitch in high school, but she was really nice that night. She was giving me the eye quite a bit too. So was the other Lisa. Now that I think about it though, it might have just been they became interested now, due to the college boy effect. Lol, but either way, Haley wanted to touch my hair. I allowed it, got a little flirty. It was nice. Shes so tiny... GAH!! I'm such a shallow PRICK sometimes being absorbed in girl's features. I fel bad about it, but its not like theres anything I can do about it. Even if I could, Im not sure I would want to. Then it would seem like I'm lying to myself on what I really want... Ironically, thats the point I was trying to makein the section below with Jess. I hate lying. Wow, I got off track. Ok, party. She had to go however, and then didnt come back until a LOT later while the party was winding down. Ohh yea, Alex puked in the first 2 hours of the party, then didnt drink anymore. So he was pretty sober by the time it ended. People came and went. Some more really popular girls came in and started some "drama." Lol, then some left and more came. Whatever and n stuff. Alex's friend Derek seems cool, but its just an act and he always seems to drop his friends for shit. Then he lied to me at that last party. Anyway, people kept telling me that they loved me because I was helping them and stuff. Lol, but Keith almost fought me because I just said "ok" and went back to what I was doing. He said, "Dude! You dont even know how much you helped me out senoir year." I gave him some adderall sometimes when I was a sophmore. He said that helped him get through some really hard times. I made sure that I "understood" how much I meant to him. So I tried not to disreguard it all as drunken talk because he wasnt really drunk anyway. I enjoyed it. I helped Jeff puck and stuff. Then I had to almost pick this kid up fomr the bathroom floor because some chick needed to go... BAD!! She didnt even close the door when she went. I thought that was hiraious. I closed it for her, WITHOUT looking, because I'm a good guy like that. I held the bucket for JR, some kid that Alex knew and he loves me too. I got him water and a cloth after he puked outside. Then I held the bucket for him when he puked. Ohh yea, and I found his watch in the couch. Alex's x, Laura, was there. I told him she was a bitch. Not because I thought he needed to get away from her, but because she WAS. I was smoking a cigar earlier and set it down outside so I could smoke more of it later. Then when I went back out, it was gone. Later on, I found her smoking it. When I tired to explain it was mine, she handed it to me to smoke. Then as I puffed it to get it good a lit again, she started going "WOAH!!" Like I was smoking ALL of it or something. I'm not sure if she really had any idea how long they last. Either way, its not like she was gunna smoke all of it, and 6 or so puff is not a whole lot AND, it was MINE to begin with. Later on, Keith and Dan got in a fight and I had to break it up. BTW, I also stopped their fight in the kitchen later. This was no normal wordds fight, they were FIGHTING. No punches really landed, but more if wrestling that knocked over a table and broke the screen door. So I broke that up and started to fix the door. Then Laura comes bursting out yelling, "Wheres Lisa!" I said I had no idea and she just had a bitch look on her face and was trying to get through the door, while I was fixing it. I kinda wanted to just push her drunk ass down. I refrained however. I dont wanna say anything else about it because I'm starting to get bored of writing about it. It was really fun though. Alex and I left at around 4. He was still a little drunk, but I pretty much trust him. There was only one time when he was speeding 10 over and he was always in the center of the lane. Ok wait, he was really pissed off because he didnt think he had any feelings for Laura, but he found that he still did. She was sitting next to him and she was putting her hand on his inner thigh. Also, he felt really bad because he wanted to take care of her since she was all weak and stuff. He manged to not walk her around and stayed strong. I cemmend him. Hes so much stronger when it comes to emotional things that I am. We went back to my house since it was a 5 minute drive and there were no places to sleep. I asked him if he was hungry, he was still mad about Laura. Mad at the fact that he did still care. So I just said, "I dont care." I knew he was though. I understand people well. So I just asked him what he wanted, like crackers or chips or whatever. He just said, "whatever." So I went upstairs. Then I came back with a plate of deviled(sp) eggs, 6 subway sub from earlier that day, a piece of chiken cordeon blue, and all the types of pringles that we had. He just laughed. I knew he didnt want me to go into too much trouble for food, but I didnt really care. We kept talking about crap until 5 or so. he woke up at 11 and left because his mom wanted him home by 12 the next. I joked because I'd prolly see that Alex is gone and think and think, "Ohh Alex is gone. *Humpf* I bet he had early 'business metting.'" Lol, I thought it was hilairous. Slept well...

So the next morning I called her, and told her that I needed to talk. I knew she didnt want to, but I told her I needed it for my sanity(?) So I went over what she had said before. She said that she does see anythign serious with Double in the first week she was going out with him. However, now her asnwer has changed. This was right after she wrote an odd journal entry. It was titled something like, "If only I could get rid of the reason for my pain." Or something like that. Then she started saying things about how she wishes that she could be content with what she had. I mean, afterall, all we humans/Americans want is more than what we have. She sounded kinda depressed in it and stuff. So when I talked to her on the phone and she said that she did see that something could happen with double, I asked if that was her way of trying to be content with what she had even though she wanted more. She responded with a "maybe." Which means yes. Like when you ask some girl if they did something bad, and they did, they give you the "maybe." My whole basis for argument was based on the fact that she didnt see anything serious with Double, nor me. Now that she "changed" her answer, I moved to my next point. That was she didnt want to get involved with me because she thought I would keep going out with her until I decided I was able to move away from her. Like she would be my comfort. So, since I thought she didnt see anything serious with Double, she was doing the same to him. Cuz she has to know that he wont satisfy her. If she knew that within the first week, why would you keep going?? So it wouldnt really end in her pain, like our realtionship would. This one will hurt Double. But since she "decided" that Double is now good enough, she doesnt think they'll break up. I dont see how she can do that. If she ever got married to him, she would be keeping inside her the fact that she wants better but she had to settle with him. That would destroy me inside if I was ever in that situation. FAR more than a summer relatioship for fun. I guess thats me, and not her though. I dont think she can really see that though. She'd deny all of those thoughts even though she spoke them eariler. She said that he wasnt too exciting enough and quiet. Lol, and she DEFFINATELY needs excitement to be content. Sooo...

I hate to end it with crap about Jess again, but for me I wrote the parts of Jess frist and finished the party part last. I think I'll go download some anime music videos or play some CS. I dont really wanna sleep yet. Ohh yea, the entry will say 12:41, but thats when I started it. Now its 1:58.