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Wow, its been a whlie [Sep. 30th, 2003|10:57 pm]
Alex said that he started up a journal, so I figured Id get back to mine. I think I have to put a few more in here so that the ones that are already in here get pushed back. Cuz I dont really want everyone reading them. Only people that really want to I guess. But yea... Crap and crap. Too much to really report on. Just another scrath on the post that is life.
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Were you Ms. Independant?? Of course, and you never let it fucking go... [May. 22nd, 2003|04:53 am]
Watched TV really late tonight. Music Videos. For some reason I couldnt stop. I mowed the lawn and painted some metal around the windows on our house for 2 hours. Fun... Went and played pool with Mat and Brandon. Then later on, Jenna and Val joined us. Girls are naieve and minupative. So manipulative, that they sometimes become naieve to how they act.

Also, i'm finding that my new "choch" friends seem to be better then my normal friends. My choch friends actually call me to hang out with them. My choch friends would never hit on my x, nor would they step on my toes to get a girl that I like. They dont seem to talk bad behind my back. They dont always have to be criticizing everyone and everything so that they can feel superior. While a simple, "I can out drink you, you stupid fucker!" replaced, "You're such a poser," and a "He's so fake, why does anyone like him??" is replaced with "all girls are fake, I play them all." Why does it seem that my choch friends dont mock others' lifestyles behind close doors, yet my other friends musy always criticize everything about how my choch friends live. Almost seems that by becoming enlightened, more educated, and thoughtful about things and ideas, you gain a sort of arrogance that you're something better than those who are naieve. So I wonder, what makes one better?? I been with both and particpated in both. Do I feel better with security of brotherhood of brute strength and meaningless psychical competions, or a feeling of insecurity when the crowd around knows, in their mind, they are better than others and makes it very clear.

Perhaps I'm only finding comfort in the fact that I think I am more sophisticated than my choch friends, and thats why I like them more. If thats the case, then I dont like myself again. Because, then I've become like the other people that make me feel inferior due to arrogance. I hate that feeling, and I would never want to make someone feel that way... Unless you're hurt me. At which point, I cant control what my emotions produce. But in general, I'm speaking about just people. Thats what this is about, friends. Friends as people. People as friends. Insightful?? If not, is that because you are in denial about how you treat and feel about other people and how you must feel about yourself. Every person must be their own cream of the crop.

I'm very tired. I dont know what I've written for a lot of this and I'm having to delete and re-type a lot of it... I'm so tired... So tired of all of this... Tired...

NO!! But sometimes its like horoscopes, its EXACTLY like you, until you realize you read the wrong 1 [May. 16th, 2003|02:09 am]
You are Cyclops!

You are attractive and strong, in a boy scout
republican sort of way. You are set firm in
your beliefs, which is not necessarily a bad
thing. But often when faced with a conflicting
opinion you become defensive and angry and
prone to conflict. You like to be a leader,
but you must acknowledge that there are some
situations which others are better fit to deal
with than yourself.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok, I guess I like leading, but I'm usually afraid of failure because then its my fault. I admit, I like my body, but I try not to be a dick about it. I'm not a rublican, I dont think. I usually associated my views as more liberal. Boy Scouts?? Ok, you got me. I thought I had covered that part of my life up pretty good, but someone leaked it out. I didnt think I was always set in my beliefs. I always try to change me if I think it makes me a better person. In my own eyes, and the eyes of others. So I really dont think this is quite accurate. However, I suppose I could say I get defensive when I dont agree with someone, like Alex about the cornel lying to neo, that was crap. I didnt yell or anything, i just thought it was stupid.
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Wow, this started as a stories, then turned into insight... from the matrix... again [May. 16th, 2003|01:36 am]
Been looking for a car ALL this week. Maybe found one but I dunno. Ive also been looking for a job. I got one at Hot Topic. However the pay sux and Ill get shit for hours. So I need to find another too. I went to a group interview with rei at A&F. However, I fucked it up bad. Now worries I guess, just wish that I could have gotten a job there. Alex asked me today why I'm changing my style, and I honestly have no idea. I just wanted to. I also want a fast car, maybe soon I'll want to start screaming that I have a bigger dick than people and want to start beating up girls. Ok, well, my point is, that sometimes I dont want to go too far to being a chyach. If thats how you spell it. Anyways, I saw the Matrix 2, tonight. Im not really sure what to think. Sweet graphics and stuff, and Im pretty sure the plot was sweet, sometimes you can get confused. I didnt think I was confused until Alex started TELLING me that the Cornel Sanders guy in the chair was lying to neo to make him give up hope and that Zeon was gunna be destroyed. I didnt see the point in that because he would know that neo would try to do anything to stop that from happening, like I'm sure he will do. Its so obvious that there's no point in him trying to make neo give up hope. So I disreguarded that as idiot talk. Sometimes we all have a little of that. Anyway, I said that they are all inside a matrix that makes them THINK that they are out of it when they are just fighting a matrix INSIDE a matrix. Either that, or neo has rl super power, he just had to be inside the matrix where people were telling him he could do anything, to realize that we all have that super power inside us all anyway. Which I think would suck. BECAUSE, them I'm gunna start trying to stick my hand through my shower wall again saying, "There is no shower wall, there is no shower wall." Mind you, I DID actually try this, and I already KNOW that I'm a dork. Thank you. I posted on Jess's journal last week about how they werent hardcore X-Men fans and she replied that she never claimed that. Well, i just wanted to point out that she tried not to be parts of trends, but if you are afraid to look like a dork and go farther into it, then you are just being mainstream. Now I dont care whats mainstream or not. Ok wait, by that statment you can take it like, "I dont care what society wants, I'm an indivual" or you can take it like I mean it, which is "I dont care what society brands a punk or prep, Ill wear what I want and do what I enjoy." This is, I know, entirely impossible. I am going to be influenced my societly no matter what. I just dont wear something because it's NOT in style right now, nor do I wear something because it IS in style. I wear it because I feel good in it. If it has no sleves, it because I like to show of my physical features. I know thats shallow, but I cant help that. While some of you might try to be dicks and say right after that, 'Yes, you can." You are as ignorant as the people you label as ignorant. You are still being blinded by whats there. So Im not saying anyone trying to be mainstream is good or bad, and the same for non-mainstream. Im only saying that people are doing that they want to do and wear what they want, the only Reason that someone should be criticized is if they have a severly contradictory view on things. Like saying that preps are all about whats "in" when the people that say that are all about whats NOT "in." Either way you're still influenced by society and makes you just as bad. You hate, but you cant hate yourself, so you deny that there is contradiction for your well-being. Sad, it is true. We all do this. So thats why I only choose to point out these points rather than just tell someone that they are doing something wrong. -I point out what people are doing wrong, not based on my ideals, but upon the contradictions in their own.
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#5 vs #41 [May. 11th, 2003|11:06 pm]
Well, the night where I was pissed off I spent most of the day in my room playing CS. Which got really boring. When I asked Joe what a bunch of the group was doing, he said going to Petes house. I kinda wanted to go, but Joe never invited, so I just went back to CS. Ohh wait, the day before, Brandon changed the CS map to awp_map. Which I am really bad at. I'm REALLY good with the AWP, but not at long ranges like that. So I got pwned. Brandon planned it too. He knew that he would kick my ass and started making comments like, "Ohh what?? The AWP master cant take a little of his own medicine??" Like a fucking dick. So he ruined my AWP average on my stats page. Then right after that I had to go to dinner with my Grandparents because they are in town. They are my dad's mom and dad. So they're completely Japanese. My Grandpa has Polio and my Grandma had a stroke so shes in a wheelchair. We were at dinner for well over an hour and a half. Which involved at least an hour of talking. Most of which was AFTER we were done eating. I could tell my mom was putting on one of her best acts to impress my dad's parents. Even though my parents are devorced, both sides of the family still get along well together. I just didnt like how my mom was acting fake for them. I like making my Grandma laugh and stuff because its funny to see a small, old, asian lady laugh. Its really hard to hear what she says beacuse she lost a lot of speech and movement in her right side when she had a stroke. Umm... Ohh yea, so that dinner also further increased my bad mood. Then Brandon called me to see if I wanted to go to the Nerd Club with him on friday, and I was still a little mad about how he purposefully tried to be a jerk to me in CS. So I said no, and acted all melatone cuz I was mad at him still. Then later that night I after I talked to Joe, I felt really lonely. I NEEDED to do something. Sometimes I can tell those guys dont really wanna hang out with me beacuse all I do is make dumb comments. So I didnt want to invite myself to Petes. Then I just couldnt take it. Joe wanst online anymore and I IMed Syd and asked if I could go with him to Petes. We went and I had a pretty decient time just hanging out with them. I didnt get home until 2. At this point I was still in a crappy mood. Then I tried to talk to Brandon. He decided that he didnt want to talk to me I guess because I was mad at him earlier. So we got in a huge argument about shit. I got mad because he was a dick on purpose and changed the map to awp_map cuz he knew that he would kick my ass. then I got mad about it. THEN, when I got mad about it, he decided not to talk to me. I guess I'm not allowed to get mad at him or something. Then he brought up stuff like I take advantage of him and that I dont really enjoy spending time with him. I have to force myself to hang out with him. Which isnt the case. I told him that I would rather be at some party socializing than playing CS or warhammer, but there are times when I just wanna do nerd stuff instead. Also, its not like I'm always at a party anyways. What I didnt know that he told me was that I am his favorite person to hang out with. I didnt know that. Then I felt like a dick because of how I treat him seomtimes. I mean, hes a dick to me too, but he doesnt mean that much to me, so it does bother me a whole lot. He IS a friend, but I guess I was his best friend, and I didnt know. Hes not my best friend though, just a good friend that I always play CS with and stuff. I'm sure that we'll be friends again sometime soon, but he said that we should be friends so he wont feel let down as much and I wont have to feel guilty. I guess it was good reasoning, but I just thought it would have been worked out better ways. So I felt really crappy about that. The bad dinner, the fact that some of those guys that I hang out with dont really respect me, and I just wanted to cut myself. I havent done it in a while, and it almost always calmed me down. But I never did. I didnt even pick up anything sharp. I just wanted to so bad though. I dont know. I guess thats all part of being manic depressive/bi-polar. Ohh yea, then to top it off, I couldnt stop thinking about Jess. It was so crappy. I keep thinking about it because I dont have my damn rings. She took them all. So every time I realize I dont have my rings, I think about how she has them and it pisses me off. The whole situation. If you read her journal tonight, its beause she talked to me. She IM-ed me for the first time in a long time. She had blocked me I think, and I think it was best that way. Well... Second best, the frist best I guess isnt an option. So she worte that title something like, "Remember when, I used to love you." I'm pretty sure that was because of me because it wasnt a happy entry like her most recient ones had been. She talked about how people need to be content with what they have. So I commented on her entry. It wont show unless she decideds to post it. This is what I wrote.
You must rid yourself of "wants" to obtain true happiness - Buddhism

However, settling for less and trying to have that make you happy is lying to yourself.

You think anyone in America can even attept true Buddhism?? All you're trying to do is justify how you feel inside. Why else would you take lessons like that for ONE area in your life and not follow it throughout all aspects of your life. I know theres no way that you can become that sort of person. Free of all wants.

I know you can choose to post this comment or not. Dont post it just to insult me and such back. If you want to get mad at what Ive said here, just e-mail me. This wont be public, so dont make your response public, if you have a response at all.
So yea, I dunno what to say. I think I'm just still bitter that shes picking to date double of me. Then she started to try to "be content with what she has" to be happy. Like she know that double isnt the best or close, she knew in the FIRST week that it wasnt gunna work out. Now shes gunna try to make it go forever because she needs to be content with what she has. I thought that was bullshit. However, my vision could just be clouded by emotion. When I think about that, I always think of my profile. "I always try to think with logic and Reason, but sometimes emotion kicks its ass." Fuck me in the eye.

Ok, now to last night. Last night Syd picked me up and we went to some guys house. Ohh wait, crap. I forgot to put in here that my dad was gunna kick me out of the house tonight because I didnt have a job. I dont know how I forgot that in the part above. When I was depressed it was also beacuse my dad said I had to have a job by friday and that I wanst doing anything with my life. So that made me feel like crap and added to the depression. Ok, so back to Sat night. We got there and people were dancing and stuff. I have to say Katie (Rolofs??) is pretty good looking. I hate being shallow, but I usually go for girls that even smaller than that. Damn, I hate me sometimes. Anyway, I decided to get my drink on. Sean and Joe owed me a six pack of some girl drinks and they didnt get them. So I had to scavenge for what I could find. I asked Pete if I could have some shots from his half gallow. Which, from now on, I will refer to as a half gizzy. Lol, not to be racist, but black people seem to make the weirdest words to try to be different. Then white kids try to copy them. Then the black people call the white people racist. I'm confused. Anyway, I got drunk straight away. Then when I was people dancing, and that I still didnt have the balls to dance, I needed more. So I got drunker. Then I was helping Footie try to find her keys. I asked if she had left them upstairs when she was going to the bathroom, and she said no. However, I went up and checked for them anyways. They were there. So I came back downstairs and asked her what she would do if I found them. She said that she would make out with me if I had. So I pulled them out. She had a supprised look on her face and then asked if I really wanted to make out, I was like, "Umm... Ok." Then BAM. Her tounge was in my mouth. Lol, that was fun. it only lasted for like 15 seconds because people were all like, "What!?!? is that !?!?" Lol, god that was great. She kissed a lot like Amberlee. Meaning, she stuck her tounge in far and had her mouth open wide. I didnt mind. Right after that I was like, "Hey, I have something to tell you. You're number 5." She said, "I dont wanna be mean or anything, but you're number 41." I laughed. I thought it was amusing that she was keeping track that high. Ive kissed 5 girls now, and only fooled around with one of those. No sex or pretty much anything close to sex. So I think... Some of the guys in the group say their emo. However, they never really seem to have trouble talking to girls. Rei says he runs away when he likes someone, but I dont see that at all. I mean, his actions are suttle, but he DEFFIEATELY talks to the girls he likes. I, however, AM emo. Ive only kissed 5 girls. Fucking 5. I actually CANT talk to girls that I like. Ill give them the look and stuff thats says I'm interested, but the girls I'm interested in are the ones that get signals like, "Hey look, Ive already got my dick on your leg... I think that means I like you." While I'm all like, "Hey look, I made you this food and helped you clean up after drunk people. It means I'm caring and I've make a good boyfriend. BUT, girls NEVER see it. Unless they dont like me to begin with. GERRRR, fucking, I never know what to do. Alex tells me to act like a dick, and they keep comming back. I cant do that, it just isnt me. Fuck beans. Rose Ribbons is SOOOOO FUCKING HOT AND CUTE. That tiny body with such an elgant curve. *bites lip* Damn. She doesnt party and seems to be a real family girl. BUT, she has sex, WITH her BOYFRIENDs. So I try not to qulify her as a slut since shes had sex with more than one person. Since the last time I talked to her, she didnt with random people at all. Shes so nice and pretty. Gerr, I dunno what to do. Doesnt matter right now anyways.

Ok, so I was supposed to move out today, but I had this huge talk with my parents and stuff. So instead, I get to live here, but I haev to pass out flyers and try to start soem lawn mowing crap n and half with my brother. We made the flyers and we're gunna put them up tomorrow. Also, Im handing in some apps to Pacific Sunware and Hot Topic at the mall. The problem is that I dont have a car. So whats going to happen is that my parents will buy me a car for work, and I pay them back with the money I make. So that should be sweet. We looked for cars in the paper tonight. being able to drive again will kick massive nuts. I also wanna learn how to drive a stick and get one. Well, I should go to bed now. I'll post again soon. I'm sure that I missed somethign in here.
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Fuck this. Fuck me. Fuck life... FUCK!! [May. 10th, 2003|03:32 am]
I'll write about it later... I just wanna cut myself again, but I cant see to be able to. The release I used to find, but I wanna be done with it. Fuck!! FUCK!!!,ldfssdafsad;asdf;lk a lsdaf,sdfa+69sadfasdfkgsdf635sdfasg356safgdhsagfafg

Will you go with 2x boals of cereal for a month?? Or sweet marshmellow cereal for a day?? [May. 6th, 2003|12:41 am]
Ohh yea, and both cereals will cause stomach problems??

Well, the party I went to on Saturday was sweet. I got drunk so quick. I was there with Alex. I took some shots n stuff. I tried to call Jess right after that though. I wanted to ask her and confirm everything that shes said. But when I called her house with my cell phone, no one answered and the answering machinge didnt pick up so I knew someone was on the phone. Then I called her cell phone but no one picked up. My cell phone died a little after that so I used Alex's cell phone to call both again later. her mom picked up and said that she was at Doubles house... Gerrr. Then later on, she called Alex's cell phone back. I also didnt think about this until later, the fact that she called his number, and not mine. Because she knew I called and just didnt wanna talk to me I guess. But I guess I tricked her un-intentially. So I told her I wanted to talk. She told me that she was with Double and some other people. I asked if I could have 10 please. She just said no. Then she started VERY firmly and loudly saying, "NO, I DONT WANT TO TALK." So I knew that she was making a scene with her friends. Which also means that she is going to explain the situation as me being a jelous x-boyfriend. But I KNOW she wont say anything about how I'm still her fucking "secret crush" and shit. Which upsets me. So her friends start to hate me more than she made them the first time. So she just said, "IM HANGING UP, AND DONT CALL ME BACK." Lol, because whenever she hangs up on me when we argue, I just call right back. So I todl her, "I'm going to call you back." Then she just kept saying "DONT." This is because she was with her friends and didnt want to leave a good time to deal with our problems. I think if people read this, they'll think I'm psycho or something and just not taking a hint and that she doesnt want anything to do with me. That isnt really the case. I mean, I could be wrong, and just not able to see it, but just listen to what she does. She tells me that I'm still her crush, when I ask her why we cant date, she says "because I dont WANT to like you like that anymore." meaning she DOES, but thinks that it will only lead to more heartbreak. Also, she told me last week, "I cant wait until next year when you have your apartment because then you'll have a big bed and I can spend the night. *smile*" She DOES want me, but keeps trying to stay away. Its so diturbing. GAH!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! Anyways, Dans sister Lisa is really cute, and hot. Alex keeps telling me shes not a slut even though shes had sex with a couple people. Skipping ahead, she ended up having sex with Adam Keith. Lol, it was hilairous when Keith was telling me how much he loved he. I was taking care of people for the last half of the party. Like helping people to the bathroom and things or that sort. Holding the bucket or walking them places. It was nice helping them. Thought I was kinda putting in a good image for Lisa too, but I dont think shes really interested. Then Haley Ritter came over with another girl named Lisa. Haley always seemed like a bitch in high school, but she was really nice that night. She was giving me the eye quite a bit too. So was the other Lisa. Now that I think about it though, it might have just been they became interested now, due to the college boy effect. Lol, but either way, Haley wanted to touch my hair. I allowed it, got a little flirty. It was nice. Shes so tiny... GAH!! I'm such a shallow PRICK sometimes being absorbed in girl's features. I fel bad about it, but its not like theres anything I can do about it. Even if I could, Im not sure I would want to. Then it would seem like I'm lying to myself on what I really want... Ironically, thats the point I was trying to makein the section below with Jess. I hate lying. Wow, I got off track. Ok, party. She had to go however, and then didnt come back until a LOT later while the party was winding down. Ohh yea, Alex puked in the first 2 hours of the party, then didnt drink anymore. So he was pretty sober by the time it ended. People came and went. Some more really popular girls came in and started some "drama." Lol, then some left and more came. Whatever and n stuff. Alex's friend Derek seems cool, but its just an act and he always seems to drop his friends for shit. Then he lied to me at that last party. Anyway, people kept telling me that they loved me because I was helping them and stuff. Lol, but Keith almost fought me because I just said "ok" and went back to what I was doing. He said, "Dude! You dont even know how much you helped me out senoir year." I gave him some adderall sometimes when I was a sophmore. He said that helped him get through some really hard times. I made sure that I "understood" how much I meant to him. So I tried not to disreguard it all as drunken talk because he wasnt really drunk anyway. I enjoyed it. I helped Jeff puck and stuff. Then I had to almost pick this kid up fomr the bathroom floor because some chick needed to go... BAD!! She didnt even close the door when she went. I thought that was hiraious. I closed it for her, WITHOUT looking, because I'm a good guy like that. I held the bucket for JR, some kid that Alex knew and he loves me too. I got him water and a cloth after he puked outside. Then I held the bucket for him when he puked. Ohh yea, and I found his watch in the couch. Alex's x, Laura, was there. I told him she was a bitch. Not because I thought he needed to get away from her, but because she WAS. I was smoking a cigar earlier and set it down outside so I could smoke more of it later. Then when I went back out, it was gone. Later on, I found her smoking it. When I tired to explain it was mine, she handed it to me to smoke. Then as I puffed it to get it good a lit again, she started going "WOAH!!" Like I was smoking ALL of it or something. I'm not sure if she really had any idea how long they last. Either way, its not like she was gunna smoke all of it, and 6 or so puff is not a whole lot AND, it was MINE to begin with. Later on, Keith and Dan got in a fight and I had to break it up. BTW, I also stopped their fight in the kitchen later. This was no normal wordds fight, they were FIGHTING. No punches really landed, but more if wrestling that knocked over a table and broke the screen door. So I broke that up and started to fix the door. Then Laura comes bursting out yelling, "Wheres Lisa!" I said I had no idea and she just had a bitch look on her face and was trying to get through the door, while I was fixing it. I kinda wanted to just push her drunk ass down. I refrained however. I dont wanna say anything else about it because I'm starting to get bored of writing about it. It was really fun though. Alex and I left at around 4. He was still a little drunk, but I pretty much trust him. There was only one time when he was speeding 10 over and he was always in the center of the lane. Ok wait, he was really pissed off because he didnt think he had any feelings for Laura, but he found that he still did. She was sitting next to him and she was putting her hand on his inner thigh. Also, he felt really bad because he wanted to take care of her since she was all weak and stuff. He manged to not walk her around and stayed strong. I cemmend him. Hes so much stronger when it comes to emotional things that I am. We went back to my house since it was a 5 minute drive and there were no places to sleep. I asked him if he was hungry, he was still mad about Laura. Mad at the fact that he did still care. So I just said, "I dont care." I knew he was though. I understand people well. So I just asked him what he wanted, like crackers or chips or whatever. He just said, "whatever." So I went upstairs. Then I came back with a plate of deviled(sp) eggs, 6 subway sub from earlier that day, a piece of chiken cordeon blue, and all the types of pringles that we had. He just laughed. I knew he didnt want me to go into too much trouble for food, but I didnt really care. We kept talking about crap until 5 or so. he woke up at 11 and left because his mom wanted him home by 12 the next. I joked because I'd prolly see that Alex is gone and think and think, "Ohh Alex is gone. *Humpf* I bet he had early 'business metting.'" Lol, I thought it was hilairous. Slept well...

So the next morning I called her, and told her that I needed to talk. I knew she didnt want to, but I told her I needed it for my sanity(?) So I went over what she had said before. She said that she does see anythign serious with Double in the first week she was going out with him. However, now her asnwer has changed. This was right after she wrote an odd journal entry. It was titled something like, "If only I could get rid of the reason for my pain." Or something like that. Then she started saying things about how she wishes that she could be content with what she had. I mean, afterall, all we humans/Americans want is more than what we have. She sounded kinda depressed in it and stuff. So when I talked to her on the phone and she said that she did see that something could happen with double, I asked if that was her way of trying to be content with what she had even though she wanted more. She responded with a "maybe." Which means yes. Like when you ask some girl if they did something bad, and they did, they give you the "maybe." My whole basis for argument was based on the fact that she didnt see anything serious with Double, nor me. Now that she "changed" her answer, I moved to my next point. That was she didnt want to get involved with me because she thought I would keep going out with her until I decided I was able to move away from her. Like she would be my comfort. So, since I thought she didnt see anything serious with Double, she was doing the same to him. Cuz she has to know that he wont satisfy her. If she knew that within the first week, why would you keep going?? So it wouldnt really end in her pain, like our realtionship would. This one will hurt Double. But since she "decided" that Double is now good enough, she doesnt think they'll break up. I dont see how she can do that. If she ever got married to him, she would be keeping inside her the fact that she wants better but she had to settle with him. That would destroy me inside if I was ever in that situation. FAR more than a summer relatioship for fun. I guess thats me, and not her though. I dont think she can really see that though. She'd deny all of those thoughts even though she spoke them eariler. She said that he wasnt too exciting enough and quiet. Lol, and she DEFFINATELY needs excitement to be content. Sooo...

I hate to end it with crap about Jess again, but for me I wrote the parts of Jess frist and finished the party part last. I think I'll go download some anime music videos or play some CS. I dont really wanna sleep yet. Ohh yea, the entry will say 12:41, but thats when I started it. Now its 1:58.
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Does his woohoo turn metal too?? Yes?? I guess it would be like one of those dildos... [May. 3rd, 2003|04:12 am]
Well, today I called Alex and we hung out around 2. He got done painting the house early and he came over. Then we got our workout clothes on and we headed for the lady that had the couch that I wanna buy. So when we got there we went up and asked if she would be willing to hold onto it for us until tomrrow. She said that we would. However, I didnt have the money on me so we had to go to the bank so I could get the 50 bucks. Then, just as we were pulling away to go to the bank, some Mexicans in a lowrider pull up. We were afrid that she was going to sell it to them because they had a truck and they could take it right then if they actualyl wanted to. So we rushed. When we got back to her house, it was still there. I paid her the money, and I have to go get the couch tomorrow. After that Alex and I went to the guy back at GVSU. It was bad. We havent lifted in so long our techniqes were horrible and we couldnt lift crap. So after that we went back to his moms house and hung out there for a little bit. We ate some chicken and then he took a shower and I rested on his couch. Then we decided to go to see X-Men 2. So we went to star for that. I just want people to know, that when Jean first said, "I cant seem to concentrate on my power" I IMMEDIATELY said "PHOENIX." So I thought I would get mad props because I called it to early. So.. I dunno if I do are not. But I called it before anyone else did. THEN!! FUCKING COLOSSUS!! HOLY CRAP!! THAT WAS FUCKING SWEET!! I almost compltely forgot about him then he pulled the metal armor out!! HOLY CRAP!! I couldnt stop saying "COLOSSUS!!" for the entire movie. HOWEVER, Iceman has always been one of my favorites because hes cool. No pun intended. I dunno. I think it goes with my natural tolerace for the cold and thats why I like him. Anyway, I came back to my house after that and Ive been playing CS until now. My scores have been REALLY good all night...

Ive been thinking a lot about Jess lately. And thats NOT a good thing. It WOULD be a good thing if we were dating, however, thats not the case. Im planning on calling her tomorrow. That way I can go staright from an argument, if thats what it turns into, to getting drunk as hell. I thought I was going to go to Dans party tonight, but its tomorrow night. I cant wait. Should be a fucking sweet time.
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I dont want to see you unless you're with me, so FUCK YOU!! [May. 3rd, 2003|04:09 am]
This is the 3rd fucking time Ive had to retype this due to the fact that my clock on my computer is fucked up horribly.

So it was about an entry I had on Thurssay where I saw Jess at the talent show and couldnt even give me a hug without pushing me away that fucking bitch. Then I saw her with double. FUCK YOU STUPID BITCH!! DAMNIT!! Made me so fucking mad.

You made me do it again. I thought I was fucking done!! BUT HERE I AM AND I DID IT AGAIN!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!
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ALL the hair on my body is the same length *wink* [May. 1st, 2003|01:31 am]
I FINALLY got my computer to work. It ends up that Syd didnt put "spacers" under my motherboard. So it was shorting out because it was connecting to the back of the case and couldnt get any power. I had my friend Eric come over and help me with it. However, it was Joe that suggested it. Then Eric immediately identified that as the problem and that he knew something looked funny about it. So we put spacers in it, and then it started working fine. We tested to make sure that the power source wasnt fucked by plugging the power source from my new comp into this one, and this one ran. So nothing was wrong there. Also, we thought that Syd put way too much heatsync glue on the pcu(??). Either way, we thought that might have been messing it up too. But we dont really know. All I know is that I need an opperating system to load on this bad boy, then I can fucking play COUNTER-STRIKE!! BOO YAA!! Cant wait. Ohh yea, I tried to get a hold of Syd when he got out of work, but he never called me that hooker. Then I was pretty sure that he went to Isabels house and didnt get a hold of me or whatever. Anyways...

Ohh yea, I got a haircut. Cut like 4 inches off. Its cool... and different... I seriously need to go hand in apps tomorrow... GOOOOOOOD NIGHT!!!
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